Defeating the Demons The Prevention of Clergy Sexual Abuse

• Personal Awareness

• Warning Sign

• Support Systems

• Professional Safeguards

• ENDNOTES

Clergy sexual misconduct has not reached epidemic proportions, but most experts agree that the number of incidents is increasing. Reliable research over the past fifteen years concludes that about 10-12 percent of ministers have engaged in sexual intercourse with members of their congregation, and about 25-35 percent of clergymen have admitted to sexually inappropriate behavior with parishioners.^[i]

If sexual misconduct by the clergy is so common, and if virtually all ministers are tempted to sin sexually, what can be done to prevent this destructive behavior? Why do some ministers fall and others do not? Are there preventative measures that can help ministers and churches nip in the bud this breach of power and trust?

Clergy sexual abuse is seldom an isolated action. The sexual exploitation of a congregant by a minister is a complex problem involving a confluence of circumstances and motivations, especially the twin dynamics of sexuality and power.

While serving as a missionary in Africa, Dee Miller was sexually assaulted by an SBC missionary co-worker.^[ii] Out of her ordeal she has become an advocate for survivors and a recognized authority on clergy sexual abuse. Recently she wrote, “The demons are not the perpetrators. They aren’t the colluders, and certainly not the survivors. I’ve named the collective demons in an acronym--DIM thinking--Denial, Ignorance, and Minimization.”^[iii] To address the problem and stem the tide, ministers and churches must develop constructive ways to “defeat the demons” of sexual abuse.

Some offer a straightforward solution to the problem: the church should weed out those who are likely to abuse. Certainly ordination and ministerial placement should be limited to persons of the highest spiritual maturity and moral integrity (1 Tim. 3:1-13). No one disagrees with that principle. However, clergy sexual abuse is very difficult to predict. As Christian psychologists Jack Balswick and John Thoburn confirm, “No one factor in and of itself can be identified as the reason why a given minister succumbs to a sexual temptation. In most cases, a combination of factors contributes to their behavior.”^[iv]

Adding to the difficulty of predicting abuse is the fact that comparatively little has been written about what factors make a person vulnerable to victimization. Even less is available on what makes an individual in the institutional church vulnerable to colluding.^[v]

A better approach for preventing clergy sexual misconduct is to equip ministers and churches to understand negative influences and encourage positive resistance. Clergy and churches must refuse to succumb to the demons of denial, ignorance, and minimization, which usually foster secrecy and collusion. Research indicates that ministers who withstand sexual temptation understand their own personal susceptibility, recognize the danger signals, and build strong support systems. Churches assist in prevention by perceiving the dynamics of the clergy role, encouraging methods of accountability for its ministers, and developing wise policies.

Personal Awareness

For perpetrators, victims, and colluders, the first step in the prevention of clergy abuse is a personal recognition of the actual problem. An inadequate approach is to ask, “Who’s at fault?” The blame game usually misreads the situation and offers little help for prevention. Some blame the minister who profanes his calling by taking advantage of a vulnerable church member. Some blame the church that puts its pastor under pressure to perform. Some identify the culprit as a seductive female or an inadequate wife.

Sex abuse expert Marie Fortune insists most offending ministers violate ethical sexual boundaries long before they commit vocational suicide. “It’s not about sex. It’s a misuse of power.” Fortune observes that church members want to excuse the pastor and often slip into denial. But it is not fair to the pastor or the congregation to ignore the problem. “We need to say, ‘Look, it was wrong. It was unethical behavior.’”^[vi]

The ministry is a very attractive profession for anyone who is looking to exploit  vulnerable people, claims Roy Woodruff, executive director of the 3000 member American Association of Pastoral Counselors. “The average parish pastor has no one he reports to or is supervised by. And he has a lot of needy people coming for help. A pastor who could be needy himself can exploit the needs of others.”^[vii]

Even for sexual relationships described as consensual, abuse of power is an issue. Whenever there is a significant power imbalance, as a counselor/client or pastor/parishioner relationship, consensual sex is always an abusive act that exploits the powerless victim.

Awareness of the dynamics of clergy sexual abuse is basic to all other prevention strategies. Every minister needs to realize that he is at risk to cross the boundary into the forbidden zone every day. The male pastor is not exempt from sexual attraction to congregants. He must be aware of his feelings and honestly acknowledge the sexual urges he senses.

In addition, as a professional caregiver, the minister is a special target for sexual failure. Some ministers have difficulty accepting their limitations, especially in counseling members of the opposite gender. Pastors who see themselves as rescuers may create a codependent relationship that is dangerous. A rescuer-healer minister is susceptible to sexual failure because he may cross over healthy boundaries to fulfill his own personal needs.^[viii]

A minister must be aware of personal susceptibilities that make him more prone toward sexual abuse. Deep-seated insecurities, which easily surface as sexual and power needs, often fuel misconduct. Unresolved questions relating to a pastor’s own sexuality, especially destructive experiences from the past, can contribute to the exploitation of others. Sexual addiction is a critical influence upon some abusers.

Pastoral counselor Woodruff contends sexually abusive ministers usually fit one of two profiles: the “prima donna” or the depressed pastor.^[ix] The “prima donna” pastor operates out of a desire for power and control, loses touch with boundaries, over directs peoples’ lives, and develops a sense of “I can do no wrong.” Central to this person is the idea of entitlement--that he is “entitled” to certain behavior that others are not. The highly publicized televangelist scandals and the sexual failure of many contemporary mega church pastors illustrate this type.

At the other extreme is the depressed pastor, whose judgment becomes cloudy because of very low self-esteem and a growing inability to function as a minister or as a man. Thus he becomes vulnerable to relationships that provide gratification. The high-profile pastor and the despondent minister share one fatal weakness--isolation.

Out of her experiences with survivors, Dee Miller has identified a wide range of factors that increase a person’s vulnerability to be abused. Being younger than the perpetrator, smaller in size, of a minority race, and having a limited support system increases vulnerability. Quite often the female victim lives alone or is a minor whose parents are uninvolved in the church. Many of the abused are employees of the church. Crises that increase vulnerability are marital problems, domestic violence, a recent divorce or death of a spouse, or a minor who is separated from one or both parents. Chronic health problems also contribute to victimization.^[x]

What positive lessons can be learned from this summary of significant factors related to clergy sexual abuse? First, ministers inclined to abuse urgently need personal therapy. For them, the personal and professional risk of ministering to women is too great.

For pastors who do not sense vulnerability toward abusing parishioners, but who do recognize the reality of sexual temptation, the dynamics of the pastor/congregant relationship may offer another lesson. Peter Rutter observes, “Every forbidden-zone relationship in which sexual tension appears also presents an opportunity to heal.”^[xi] The male minister holds the power to move the arousal of sexual feelings beyond temptation into an opportunity for the healing of deeper wounds. He alone can turn an impending disaster into a life-giving moment.

Warning Sign

Knowing the warning signs of clergy sexual abuse can aid the prevention of it. Lebacqz and Barton insist that ministers should be aware of their boundaries and always seek to maintain those borders. “Even if the boundaries for sexual intimacy are the same for pastor and lay person, the responsibility for maintaining those boundaries fall to the professional person.”^[xii]

Ministers need a “warning system” that will alert them when they are approaching unacceptable levels of intimacy with parishioners. Lebacqz and Barton have proposed a checklist of signals that warn ministers when they are headed for trouble:

• the “publicity” test: what would others think?

• physical arousal--one’s own or the other’s;

• inordinate sexual fantasy;

• sexual gestures or body language;

• intuition, instinct, or not feeling right;

• wanting to share intimacies that are not called for;

• a parishioner wanting too much time or attention;

• wanting to shift the focus to sexual subjects.^[xiii]

Marie Fortune has developed a list of questions that pose the possibility of sexual misconduct: Is the minister doing a lot of counseling beyond his or her scope of responsibility? Is the person not taking care of himself or herself, canceling vacations, and neglecting time with family? Does the person tend to sexualize conversations? Are mechanisms of accountability being ignored? Is lay leadership discouraged? Does everything in the church focus on the pastor?^[xiv]

The vulnerability of the counseling process has led some to conclude that pastors should not counsel at all or restrict their counseling to the same sex. However, counseling across gender lines is an inevitable part of pastoral ministry. A better approach is to establish some necessary precautions that help prevent sexual misconduct. Guidelines for pastoral counseling usually stress: (1) Always have another person nearby when counseling; (2) Develop a method which prevents total privacy in the counseling office (unlocked door, glass panel, etc.); (3) Publish counseling guidelines; (4) Create a referral list for persons needing long-term counseling; (5) Decide in advance and indicate to counselees how much touching is appropriate.

Grenz and Bell offer six warning signs that indicate boundaries are being violated:

• The conversation becomes increasingly personal, as the pastor talks unduly about himself;

• The pastor’s physical contact has moved beyond greetings to friendly pats and hugs;

• The pastor fantasizes about a sexual relationship with the congregant;

• The pastor offers to drive the congregant home;

• The pastor arranges meetings with the congregant outside of the normal counseling time;

• The pastor increasingly hides his feelings for the parishioner and his meetings with her from his accountability systems, especially his wife.^[xv]

Support Systems

One of the best ways to ensure responsible sexual behavior is for the minister to build strong support systems. Accountability relationships offer a crucial antidote for misconduct.

A wholesome marriage reinforces sexual fidelity. The research of Balswick and Thoburn revealed, “Over one fourth of the pastors cite their relationship with their wife as the most important reason for sexual fidelity.” The study also concluded, “Marital dissatisfaction coupled with work boredom is the kind of situation that has been conducive to the most fantasy and openness to actual liaisons.”^[xvi]

A good marriage provides a wholesome context for sexual expression. It enhances intimacy and facilitates honest communication, while reminding the married church leader that he is accountable. Colleagues and personal counselors provide another support group. A pastor should not hesitate to seek personal counseling from a qualified therapist when he needs inner healing and emotional health.

Models and mentors make an important supportive contribution. Many pastors have formed accountability groups who meet regularly to develop trust, offer encouragement, and hold one another morally accountable.

The greatest role model for ministers is Jesus, who ministered to women without moral compromise. He viewed each woman he encountered through God’s eyes, not as objects for selfish gratification, but persons with deep needs and spiritual aspirations. As disciples of Christ, pastors are to minister to women as Jesus did.

Professional Safeguards

Prevention for the individual minister should begin during the preparation for ministry. Both seminary students and ministers serving in churches need information and clarification of ethical standards for ministry. Marie Fortune believes ministers “need to understand the nature of the power and authority of their role and the responsibility that goes with it. They need to learn how to maintain boundaries in relationships with parishioners and counselees. They need to learn to care for their own emotional and sexual needs in appropriate ways.”^[xvii]

Individual churches share some responsibility for prevention. Issues that churches must address beyond the basic education of their leaders include employment policies for ministerial search committees and procedures for handling allegations of sexual misconduct by ministers.^[xviii] One reality that compounds the problem of clergy sexual abuse is the common practice of perpetrators to move from one state to another, one institution to another, and one denomination to another. The structure and practice of Baptist churches make them vulnerable to traveling abusers unless they do a thorough background check on every potential minister. If a past history of sexual abuse is discovered in a candidate, the church body should be informed.

Most professionals operate under an accepted code of ethics developed and enforced by their peers. Authorship, instruction, and enforcement are three major problems in writing a code of ethics for clergy.^[xix] In addition, autonomous Baptist churches have been reluctant to accept one standard code of ethics for all ministers.

However, a growing number of church leaders believe a ministerial code of ethics is possible and necessary. Christian psychologist Archibald Hart notes that unlike mental health professionals, ministers are only loosely bound by a commonly understood moral code that is subject to differing interpretations. Clearly articulated boundaries for ministry relationships would help to prevent many problems arising in the minister’s sexual relationships.^[xx]

Defeating the demons of clergy sexual abuse is no easy battle. The war of prevention will have to be waged on many fronts. Denial is deadly. As long as the church ignores the problem or cajoles victims to remain silent, the problem persists. Ignorance compounds the issue and augments the damage sexual abuse perpetrates. To minimize clergy sexual misconduct is to become a colluder, one who joins the perpetrator in victimizing the vulnerable and their families. Prevention, therefore, is the responsibility of us all.

ENDNOTES

Updated Tuesday, December 12, 2000