Family Reunion
By William L. Hendricks
[William Hendricks is director of the
Baptist studies program and lecturer in theology at Brite Divinity
School of Texas Christian University in Fort Worth. He taught for four
decades at Southwestern, Golden Gate, and Southern Baptist theological
seminaries.]
How do you have a family reunion with a
family you did not know you had, and whom you had never met? It is a long
story; this is the short, happy version.
I learned in adolescence I was an adopted child. The circumstances were
traumatic. Adopting parents, please tell your children from the beginning!
The adjustments for all concerned will be easier.
At age 67 I began what I thought would be a futile quest for my birth
family. My adoptive parents were long since deceased. My birth mother's
name and date and place of birth were the only items of information
available.
A Lutheran social worker from Montana, the place of birth, was contacted.
The prospects were slim. The time interval was too great. The quest was a
good idea.
Certain health problems which involve heredity gave additional reason for
the search. A year elapsed with only formal letters of progress, namely
that there was no progress in the search.
An Emotional Call
In September of 1996 the call came. The report was that both the parents
were deceased. Since they were not married to one another, this removed
any obstacle of embarrassment. Former students and critics who have
thought I was a "you-know-what" were right!
Thanks to the grace of God, she chose adoption rather than abortion. Any
personal embarrassment was erased by the awareness a child is not
responsible for circumstances of birth. It is the birthright of every
child born to be loved.
The court had approved opening of the adoption records. After a little
more sleuthing there they were: a half-brother on my birth mother's side,
three half-brothers and a half-sister on my birth father's side and
cousins too numerous to count.
There is also an aunt still living, a sister-in-law who was also a close
friend and confidant of my birth mother. You can imagine their surprise
when advised there was an unknown, older half-brother.
Permission for contact was granted. There were somewhat strained and
formal phone conversations. Letters and birthday cards were exchanged.
Pictures gave proof of family resemblance's on both sides of the family.
June 22-24, 1997, was set aside for a family (re)union!
I had flown to California on December 31, 1996, for a meeting with the
maternal half-brother. There was instant empathy. He and his wife were
included in the Montana reunion plans.
As the time grew close, anxiety increased. What would you say? How do you
greet blood relatives you have never met, brothers and a sister with whom
you did not grow up? No need to worry!
They met us at the airport, the spouses too. There were tentative
handshakes which evolved into warm hugs. There were welcome balloons.
The hospitality room at the hotel where we all stayed was decorated for a
party. The meal was home-prepared with traditional, family foods.
At first I attempted, in true academic fashion, to take notes. Soon I gave
that up for eyeball-to-eyeball sharing of stories, theirs and mine.
Bonding and Prayers
Over the next two days we bonded, took pictures and visited their
childhood homes. There were prayers at the grave sites of my birth father
and birth mother, sites in two different cities.
We sized each other up and speculated as to what might have been. We
swapped notes on children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews as yet
unknown.
Specialists in the old argument about nature and nurture, heredity and
environment, would have profited from a study of our circumstances.
I have served 40 years as a Baptist seminary professor. The maternal
half-brother is concluding a career of college teaching in California. The
oldest paternal half-brother is close to retirement from his position as
dean of a state university in California...three academics, the first from
immigrant families to attend colleges.
Two younger brothers were in the military early in life and retired early,
one from a career with a utility company, the other from a telephone
company. The sister, the youngest of the six siblings, works in a bank.
All are married. Three have been married twice. All have children. There
are differences, too. One is Episcopal, four are Roman Catholic. Small
wonder they were curious about a Baptist seminary professor brother.
Three of the brothers are athletes, avid golfers among other sports. All
spouses were present and were comfortable with one another--remarkable!
A Wonderful Work
Did it work, this curious (re)union? Wonderfully so!
There was a visit with the maternal surviving aunt and her oldest son, in
whom physical likenesses were discerned.
We began at the airport with hugs accompanied with tears. We agreed we
have a lot of catching up to do. We agreed we will have other reunions now
that the union, the coming together, was a good first step.
I grew up assuming I was an only child. I am still processing what it
means to be one of six siblings.
Darrell Adams, the folk singer, has taught us to sing, How great to be a
family. And so it is!
Oh, yes. Since I teach for a living, may I draw a few lessons from this
experience?
A child is not responsible for the circumstances of his/her birth.
It is the birthright of every child born to be loved.
It is important to be rooted and to know your roots in the human community
Updated Thursday, December 28, 2000
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